## Why are you concerned with sleep problems?

## Julia Beroleit

Because you encounter them practically everywhere. Whether it's children, teenagers, students, young parents, or older people: the topic of sleep problems permeates all areas and age groups.

When I'm asked at a party what I do for a living and then tell them I'm a sleep coach, people are usually really excited. I always quickly add that I specialize in babies and their parents, but it seems like every other person would like to discuss the topic. I find that fascinating.

## Why do so many people not sleep well?

## JB

I believe the origin lies in industrialization and the development of electric light. Before that, people would get tired as soon as it got dark and get up again at sunrise. 15-35 percent of people in industrialized countries suffer from sleep deprivation—that is, they sleep less than seven hours a night. Some can't fall asleep in the evening; others fall asleep but wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble staying asleep.

The cause is usually stress in various forms. It may be that you're ruminating about the past or the future, experiencing stress in your relationship, or thinking about your job, your livelihood, financial worries, or your family. COVID-19 has naturally exacerbated these anxieties. Parents, in particular, have been truly at their limit. Their batteries are drained.

## How exactly does stress affect our sleep?

## JB

Ultimately, it's a matter of the nervous system. If the vagus nerve, which runs through our entire body, is constantly under tension, we can't relax. This eventually becomes chronic and inevitably leads to sleep problems because our minds can't stop thinking.

Tips like meditation are often laughed at, but our nervous system can actually be controlled primarily through our breathing. This puts me in proactive control—of course, only if there is no other mental illness involved.

## Most of the people who come to you are parents with their children. What are the most common problems?

## JB

With babies and toddlers between zero and one and a half years old, the issue is usually sleeping through the night. Some children wake up four to five times a night, or even every hour. Some parents find this unreasonable after four months. Others put up with it for a year and a half and then say, "It's time for something to change." It has a lot to do with previous habits. What batteries did they start parenthood with? Did the mother have sleep problems before the pregnancy? Many parents assume that they would sleep better if the baby sleeps better, but that's not so easy. We can talk about structures, we can look at how the baby falls asleep and how we can show them how to do it more independently. But we can't say, "Okay, I'm going to show you how to sleep and then you can do it." And if a mother tells me that she had trouble sleeping before, then we absolutely have to talk about it and look at how you can create time out to relieve stress.

Do you think that the stress of parents is transferred to the child?

## JB

Absolutely. The first language children learn is body language. They don't yet understand what we're saying, but they sense our heartbeat—and also our tension. A baby then feels uncomfortable, cries, or feels unaccepted. The more stressed I am as a mother or father, the more difficult co-regulation can be. Of course, there are also children who are naturally totally relaxed and resilient, but that's maybe a third. Over a third find it more difficult, and another third find it very, very difficult.

## How does a typical session work for you?

## JB

I always have a seven-day sleep log kept. When does the child wake up? When do they take their first nap? When do they take their second? When do they take their third? I also want to know where the children sleep and what they do in between. When do they eat? When do they play? When do they take breaks?

Since COVID-19, I've been working exclusively online. That's why I like to have videos made of the evening routine or the bedtime ritual. I find it incredibly enlightening to see how the interaction between parent and child unfolds. Parents miss certain signals, for example, when the baby is secretly yawning or is particularly hyper. There are also parents who hardly speak to their children and just do what they want. Of course, I then share my findings with the parents, and they are often surprised when they watch themselves. I think this mirroring is very important. How I see myself is one thing, but even more important at that moment is how I appear to others. And that is often more stressful than one would have expected. Then we work together to develop ways to create new structures or work on communication.

## What tips do you have for adults?

## JB

Here, too, I would suggest a log in which you note down when and how much you move, when you eat, when you finish work, and when you sleep. After that, the situation is often clear: The person is practically not moving at all. They get in the car or take the train in the morning and go to work. During the day, they only move for lunch. Then they finish work at 6 p.m. and go home. They don't really do anything else after that except sit on the couch and switch back and forth between social media and Netflix series until midnight.

I'm totally fine with all of that. But I keep noticing that I shouldn't watch TV shows in the evening because I get so caught up in them, go to bed way too late, and sleep worse. To fall asleep, we need the sleep hormone melatonin – and it's produced in the dark. As long as we have lights on and are staring at a screen, it can't be produced, and we stay awake. At some point, we simply fall into a state of exhaustion.

Sleep hygiene should also not be overlooked for adults. What's my bed like? What's my mattress like? What are my pillows like? The bedroom should be the quietest room in the apartment or house, nice and cool and well-ventilated. Regular bedtimes are also important. Mental illnesses such as burnout or depression can also cause insomnia. However, this requires a medical indication.

There are many people who can only fall asleep when the TV is on or they're listening to a podcast. Is that a problem?

## JB

I think that's a distraction. If they didn't do that, they'd have to get lost in their own thoughts. So they'd rather listen to or watch something that distracts them. Understandable. The problem is that you're not dealing with the things that are bothering you in the moment. You push them away. And then you take them with you into sleep, and your subconscious has to deal with them. That, in turn, can lead to worse sleep. Still, I wouldn't say across the board that audiobooks or podcasts for falling asleep are a problem. But maybe a calming meditation podcast is better than "The Three Investigators."

## Especially in winter, we humans are often particularly tired. Is it okay to just go to bed at 8 p.m.?

## JB

We humans are naturally quite well-adapted to the different seasons. When it starts to get dark earlier in the fall, we also get tired earlier in the evening. If I feel the need to go to bed at 8:30 p.m., then I do it. It's okay to give in to your body's signals. Of course, it can happen that you're wide awake at 3 a.m., but maybe that's OK sometimes. The question is: How seriously do I take myself and my body awareness?

## How important is restful sleep for our well-being?

## JB

Very important. I think that when people become parents, at the very latest, they realize what a lack of sleep really means. And that sleep is vital, in the sense that they feel like they're suffering or can no longer manage certain things. Lack of sleep has a significant impact on their mood; they become more irritable. And yet, we still don't give the issue enough importance.

## What three things could every person with sleep problems try?

JB

I once heard about a really exciting experiment. It might be a bit radical, but I thought it was brilliant. Apparently, it's incredibly helpful to stop turning on any electric lights after 7 or 8 p.m. and only move around by candlelight. And then, ideally, avoid using your cell phone, read a book, or just go to sleep.

It can also help not to eat too late and to incorporate more exercise into your daily routine. I think a lack of exercise is one of our main problems. Because we don't move enough, we have too many stress hormones in us. The body stores too much tension throughout the day – and it has to go somewhere. But I know from experience that it's all such boring things where you say: "A half-hour run, 10,000 steps a day, no alcohol, no TV shows. Oh come on, I'd better not do it then." I'm afraid that we adults would rather stick to our old habits (laughs).